the wake

Writer's Block: Beautiful Vistas

Wed, 06 May 2009 06:57:08 GMT

What is the most beautiful view you've ever seen? Have you been there, or do you plan to visit? If you have one, share a picture.

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any place where i can see the sunset is a beautiful view for me. i have that in common with the little prince. however, there's this special place where i truly enjoy watching the sun set which is along the coastal area here in the philippines (the expressway going to las pinas/cavite.) it's just breath taking seeing the blood red sky with streaks of dark blue and a bit of orange-y yellow. and what's even more special is to see these same colors reflected in the still waters. brutal beauty. sadly, i have no pictures since it's an expressway and i just can't get off the bus to stop there.

also, high places give me the most beautiful views especially at night. i love city lights and i love stargazing and high places offer me both views at its best. there's a special place for this too...at least for me. it's somewhere in pasay, the roofdeck of antel towers. i don't know if this place is special because of the view or because of the memories it holds but it's beautiful all the same. i have a picture but the quality is crappy, i'd rather not post it.

<3

Writer's Block: Wild Life

Wed, 06 May 2009 06:30:08 GMT

How long could you survive on your own in the wild?

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alone? oh. it won't take very long. i'd probably be gone in two days time. i can't cook anything except instant noodles. and i don't know shit about what fruits and herbs are edible and which ones are poisonous. demn. maybe i should consider taking up survival 101? i doubt i'd end up in the wild anyway...but then again, i have no sense of direction so maybe i will end up in some inhabited island someday. O____O i fear that i have no survival instincts. i'd probably just while away the time and stare at the sky. XD

Writer's Block: What's the Plan?

Wed, 06 May 2009 06:24:26 GMT

Do you like to plan everything out or do you prefer to be spontaneous?

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hmm there are times when i try to plan ahead, like when it's a major event that requires me to contact lots of people. but then again, things never go out as planned no matter how much i try. besides, i do prefer spontaneity. i'd rather go with the flow than follow some schedule. i want my life to be full of surprises and unexpected encounters. also, i think plans tend to drain away the excitement, yes? :p

tristan and isolde

Wed, 06 May 2009 03:44:41 GMT

i remembered during one of our classes in philosophy, our prof told a story about this guy who was so depressed after his girlfriend broke up with him. he was so depressed that he actually thought of committing suicide. typical reaction for an emo, yes? i think the entire class including me, said the same thing about the guy. how he's so emo and over-reacting and all. but then our prof said something so striking that day. she told us, "who are you to say such things? who are you to judge this guy? have you ever felt a love so powerful that you can risk your life like that?"...something along those lines anyway. well thinking about it now, i'm beginning to wonder, maybe there is more to this emo guy than i originally gave him credit for. as humans, we are all so averse to the idea of death. we avoid it, we avoid thinking about it. we strive so hard to survive and we work so hard to prolong our petty little lives. but this guy that's probably castrated by society for being such an emo has managed to overcome that fear. maybe he deserves my respect after all.

i remember this line from a story once "i don't know if life is greater than death, but love is more than either." it's kind of hard to define love or to put it's context in some theory. it's more than just a word. it's an emotion so powerful it can move worlds, it can cross borders and it can make the sun shine even in the coldest part of your soul. love is what makes life so bearable. demn. enough of the cheesy stuff. hee.

now i wonder what being emo is really all about. is it really over-rated? or under-rated? oh, and this is coming from someone like me who used to detest emos so much.

sigh

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 09:23:53 GMT

sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stopped telling them. [brock clarke]

it's so much easier to just tell everyone that you're fine and flash them all a fake smile instead of admitting that you're actually rotting inside. because deep inside you're scared that no one cares anyway. it's been a long time since someone asked me "how are you?" and truly meant it. i guess everyone is just too preoccupied with their own lives to take the time to listen to another soul right now. this makes me wonder, what does it really mean to be independent then? does it mean that i have to shut off everyone else from my world and care only for myself? does it mean that i just put on a facade and take everything in stride while my soul dies slowly inside? i think one of my biggest fear is being alone. i've always had this need to surround myself with people and pretend that they all care. it's kind of comforting in a cold, twisted way; a false sense of security.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

i've no idea what is wrong with me, but lately it seems like my manic depression is getting worse. i can't last a full 24 hours with just a single emotion. it's like if i'm really happy right now, chances are i'd be really sad just a couple of hours later. :(

am booooored

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 09:13:34 GMT

greetings!

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 11:31:37 GMT

hmm. i haven't got much to say right so i'll just greet everyone a happy new year! i wish you all the love and happiness in life. may you start the year full of hope and dreams and lots of optimism! ^______^

WE LOVE YOU - from miyavi and me :p

If, for example, you wish to be held by someone some night,
You should gently hug the person next to you first.
And then, if by chance you were to fall in love with someone,
If you're precious to that person you'd be loved by them too, right?
At anytime we're connected somewhere.
So
We love you,
The world loves you.
No matter how hard, just by feeling in my heart,
That you are here, I can pull through it.
We love you...
Look, the whole world, even at this very moment,
Somebody loves someone.
Then
We love you,
The world loves you.
So it's ok, just the way you are, the real you.
Everyday we love you. Anytime we love you.

japan's brat prince

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:27:52 GMT

i can't help being a gorgeous fiend, it's just the card i draw. [Lestat de Lioncourt]

woah! it's been a pretty long time since i've last read any of the vampire chronicles. it's been a long time since i've last read a book at all...fictional book, mind you. i don't have the time. sheesh. what a shame. anyway. the point of this post is that i seem to find some similarities between Hyde and Lestat...well, except for the fact that i both love them tremendously. i think it has something to do with vanity. oh no. i don't think Hyde is as vain as Lestat (i think no one's capable of being as vain as him), it's just that he seems to exude an aura that says "hell yeah! i'm gorgeous and i know it! i'm hot and i know it! i'm damn sexy and i know it!" it's not really that he shouts it out loud, but every action speaks for itself. Hyde pretty much knows how much people adore him, and he's similar to Lestat in that aspect. but i think that the more important similarity is that both of them don't age at all! i mean, yeah, Lestat is a vampire and all so it's pretty understandable...but Hyde? he's just one hell of an extremely unique individual! i mean, the man doesn't look a day older than he was ten years ago! time has no effect on him at all! O.o

hay. Lestat loves music too! same as Hyde, ne? Lestat even managed to come out in public as the lead vocalist of a rock band...although that stunt only lasted for a short time. hey! what if Hyde is the japanese version of Lestat?! i mean he's in a rock band too right? and he doesn't age! soooo...Hyde must be a real vampire! and then...he decided to come out in the open by creating VAMPS! ha! i knew it! he was never mortal to begin with! no wonder both characters of Kei and Adam fitted him so perfectly! he's a friggin immortal!

gahd. i don't even know why i'm blabbing about these things. i just suddenly missed Lestat. and then i was able to come up with these random conclusions! XD oh well. i'm gonna end this entry now. it's too messed up already.

survey! survey!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:12:03 GMT

yeh yeh. i snagged this from vindicated21 ...again. haha. and i think it's fun so i'm going to give it a try. besides...it's been a while since i've answered stuff like this. :p

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people. (Anyone can do this!:D)

1. Which celebrity would you like to meet and why?
--> Hyde!! i'd give up anything to meet him!! i swear! i'll die a happy and fulfilled woman if i see him even just once!!!

2. What do you do before bedtime?
--> soundtrip! i can't sleep without listening to music. >.<

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
--> i never really gave this much thought before...but since you're asking, i think i'll go for a wedding on the beach! yaaay! ^^

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
--> i used to dream of living in Paris...but recently i've been obsessed with Japan, so that dream was kind of replaced. i dream of living in Japan now! anywhere in Japan at all!! :D

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
--> my highschool personality test says that i'm introvert...and i think so too.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
--> they say life is all about loving and being loved in return. it has to go both ways. ^___^v

7. Do you trust easily?
--> oh no. it takes a lifetime to earn my trust. >.<

8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
--> uhh...move on i guess?

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
--> a lot of things actually.

10. What is your favorite color?
--> i love blue because Toushiro is blue!!! hahaha!!! XD

11. Is being tagged fun?
--> i guess. it gives me something to do. ^^

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
--> argh! i hate this question. because in all honesty, i don't know the answer. i don't think i'll ever know...i just want to be happy.

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
--> standard answer: friends and family. if you wanna be more specific: merkshack family! my parents, my aunts and uncles and my lovely lovely cousins and nieces and nephews! :D

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
--> vindicated21 is a cheerful, outgoing, dependable, lovable, approachable, generous, kind-hearted individual. yikee!!! i labs you chuuuba! muah!!! XD

15. What is something that you are looking forward to most lately?
--> the moment that i would get a high paying job! XD talking to people online. i always love meeting new people. :D

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing?
--> err...do slippers count? hahaha.

17. What's better: to give or to receive?
--> giving. nothing beats the feeling of making other people happy. ^^

18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
--> sheesh. their feet. bwahahaha! yeh yeh. i'm weird!

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
--> not a chance. >:p

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
--> michael angelo! woohoo!!! i'm a teenage mutant ninja TURTLEEE!!! XD

woot! all done! i sort of enjoyed this. it's been a while. i used to answer stuff like this all the time! XD

home

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:18:16 GMT

i've been wanting to post here for a long time, but i never had the inspiration nor the time to do so. pft. yeah right. forget the latter, i have all the time in the world. i just don't know what to write. i feel like i'm regressing again to being a very useless, good-for-nothing piece of trash. ooops! was that too harsh? but that's what i'm feeling right now. seriously. i feel like i'm just a walking waste of space. it's not self-pity...i'm pretty sure of it. and it's not depression either, because i can assure you that i'm far from being sad right now. i just feel like i've lost my purpose...not that i have one to begin with. but, at least i used to have a vision...a dream. with the way things are going, i think i'm far from living up to my dream. i'm doubting i'll even be able to push through with it. so to all you guys who share that dream with me, i'm so very sorry. honto ni gomen nasai. i think i might not be able to go, let alone live in japan after all. oh gods. this very thought is making me cry. but it's not like i have a friggin choice. gahd. everything's so fucking messed up right now. it's not just about me anymore. i don't think i'm up for it. i don't think i can just leave everything behind. i hate my life here, true. but i love it to bits as well. and that's not all. hard as it may be to accept, i'm friggin struggling to survive here already...would i actually dare to try and survive there as well? dreams are not meant to happen. they all say that. because if it happens, then it's not a dream at all. i remember saying that i so badly wanted to leave everything behind and just start a new life, but i just figured out how selfish it was of me to think like that. everyone here is struggling just to make it through. everyone here is fighting their own demons. and it's just so horribly callous and selfish of me to think of running away and leaving them all behind.

i think i've said too much. pardon me if this entry is too messy and too random. i just have to vent out.

once again. sorry to all of you. i'm pretty sure you know who you are. i just hope you understand. i'll keep on dreaming...but i'm afraid i have to stay. :(

japan date

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:16:25 GMT

waaaai! omg! i just finished watching l'arc en ciel's ARE YOU READY concert with my friends vindicated21 and helloworld01!!! what can i say. it was friggin awesome!! oh yess. their live performances are always so full of life. gods, i wanted to see them live so badly. >.< *sigh* anyway, at least i get to see them on tv. it's better than nothing. i kept on screaming like the fangirl that i am everytime haido-sama gets a close-up shot!! wai!! haha. as helloworld01 puts it, it was 2 hours of eterna bliss! bwahahaha! i'm effin jealous of all the fangirls that were actually there! especially the fangirl with the plushie that was kissed by haido-sama!! couldn't she be any luckier!? i suddenly remembered...i laughed so hard when haido-sama fell off the stage! bwahahahaha! i even asked them to replay it!!! XD he was just so cute!!! kyaaaa! i wanna hug him! oooh. if i was there in front when he fell, i would definitely grab him and shove him in a sack! then i would run away as fast as i can!!! XD

and then, after that, we watched nodame cantabile. although we only finished up to episode 4 because i have to go home already. >.< anyway, it was super funny!! gahd. all those weirdness and dorkyness!! it's love love love! and chiaki-senpai was soooo hott!! especially when he was conducting! oh gods. i've got a new crush to add to my ever-increasing list! XD oooh. i also love the expressions that they make! i just love every character in that series! :)

*sigh* i just had to say this. i was so excited yesterday because i thought that conversing the dragon would finally be updated! i waited so long for that! but then, sunlightangels told me that blackbelt-sama won't be able to update it. aw. i hope she will be able to update it today. i'm really excited. >.<

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 11:05:11 GMT

oh gods. i said i would never cut again. guess promises are indeed meant to be broken. i already cut two classes twice last week. i'm such a loser. grr. i can't keep a perfect attendance. my professors know me because i'm almost never present. and that is not a good thing. i'm in dipshit. :(

on another note, i haven't watched anime for a while but i suddenly found myself obsessed with bleach. and with my self-proclaimed loveteam there. Hitsugaya Toushiro and Kuchiki Rukia! what a brilliant idea, ne?! it makes me feel giddy! bwahahahaha! oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, i do have crushes on fictional non-existent characters. if you find it weird and pathetic, piss off. i don't give a shit. >:p

for those who share the same passion, cheers! haha! i love fellow anime fans! it's something that i'll never outgrow. che. most of the time, watching anime is more worth my time. i actually prefer watching anime than other outdoor activities. it's my next favorite hobby, first of which is sleeping. XD

ANYWAY. back to bleach. hm. i originally supported IchiRuki and GrimmRuki but i suddenly found HitsuRuki very very adorable. besides. i'm not really a fan of Ichigo, i just didn't want him to end up with Inoue. >.< my friend, helloworld01 actually supported ByakuRuki!? that's incest right?! even if Rukia was just adopted! but i was able to convert her to the HitsuRuki army! you better join too! come over to the dark side... but before you join, you have to watch bleach first. at least until after the bounto arc so that you can at least have an idea about Hitsugaya-taichou. ^^

grr. i sound like an ultimate fangirl. which i am. but still. ah. whatever. you get the point. XD

monster

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:49:04 GMT

If you are the monster, then you wouldn't be scared that someone might jump at you in the dark. People simply do terrible things because they are scared. - TAKEN

hm. not that i'm justifying why people do terrible things, but this somehow gives me an idea WHY people do the things they do. fear can drive people to corrupt themselves. after all, it's better to be feared than to be scared of every dark corner. being feared gives people a false sense of security. most of the time, peope would rather hurt others than to risk being hurt themselves.

yeh. i posted this in multiply too. so sorry if you've already read it there.

i'm perfectly fine

Tue, 27 May 2008 11:15:20 GMT

hm. i got a huge problem. i can't sleep...again. i don't know if it's insomnia or what. i always feel so tired and my body badly wants to lie down but my mind's wide awake and totally alert. it's pretty creepy because when everyone else is sleeping and you're the only one awake, you tend to think of things that the rest of the world would rather forget. does that even make sense? what i'm trying to say is that, sleep brings me the peace of mind that i so desperately need right now. or as they say, "dreaming permits each and everyone of us to be safely and quietly insane every night of our lives." i'm too tired of my sanity right now so i really need to sleep. it's like my playground. it's my comfort zone. a place where i can actually be happy. maybe i'm creeping you out so i'm going to stop right here. but if you know of a way to solve my problem, i'd be extremely grateful. :)

on another note. the first two days of classes was a blast. >.< feel the sarcasm. oh yeh. but it was not that bad either, i've had worse. it's just that we were already being bombarded with too much schoolwork left and right. i need to take a breather. whew. but i did promise myself that i'd do good this term. so that means i won't be cutting anymore classes and i'll do my assignments diligently. i'm not trying to be an ace student...i just want to make up for all those terms that i slacked off. so i hope dear friends that you will pray for me. gambatte! ready, steady, give me good luck!

break's over

Sun, 25 May 2008 05:35:12 GMT

i can no longer remember the last time i posted an entry here. summer vacation went by in a flash. needless to say that i barely felt it was even summer at all. it kept raining and storms kept on assaulting the country left and right. but that's not exactly the point i'm trying to make. what i'm trying to say is that vacation's over and i'm back to hell...err...school tomorrow. oh yes. i can already visualize the amount of school work that's going to pile up. but i can't help being excited as well. i missed a lot of people and besides, school means allowance as well. and although i never really liked school work, it also means that i can keep myself preoccupied...which is a good thing really. i've been thinking a lot about unnecessary things lately and i'm hoping that going back to school is gonna take my mind off these things.

oh god. i just realized it...fangirling time is now over. i''m definitely going to miss my jap mania. >.<

boooooredom

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 03:47:40 GMT

it's raining again...in summer. but that doesn't end there. the weatherman also said that there's a storm in the eastern visayas region. is it still summer or what? i can't help but feel that i'm the only one really really affected by these extreme weather conditions. or i'm just extremely paranoid. or maybe this is just a huge side effect of boredom. O.o

hay. now i know what boredom is like. it hasn't even been two days since the start of my summer vacation and i'm already running out of things to do. maybe i'll just take that summer job that my friend's been telling me about. although tutoring kids is not exactly my thing. >.< i'm an extremely moody person and i have anger management problems. i wonder how those kids will survive if i ever get the job. XD

they say boredom is a choice. maybe it is, but clearly, i'm left with no alternatives here. and it started to rain too, so i'm stuck at home doing nothing but sit in front of the pc all day. :(

fangirling mode is now turned on

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:39:50 GMT

great. it's finally summer vacation and although the heat is killing me, i'm eternally grateful to be free of all those schoolworks that constantly give me nightmares. >.< boy, do i hate school. but i have no choice do i? hay. why am i always so friggin pessimistic when it comes to academics. this isn't right. i need a motivation! i wonder if going to japan after i graduate is gonna cut it? i swear, the only thing that's keeping me from dropping out altogether is my desire to live in japan, and i can't exactly go there without finishing my studies. oh yes. this is what i live for now.

anyway. that was just some random blabbering that i had to get out of my system.

on a different note. summer vacation means more time for fangirling! oh how i miss haido and the rest of laruku. i missed watching their clips, reading articles about them or just plain collecting their pictures. i'm one hell of a fangirl and i couldn't be more proud. :p this obsession has lasted for several months already, quite a feat if you ask me. i usually get bored of something if i'm constantly exposed to it. i guess hyde is one major exception. can't stop looking at that gorgeous and hot half-god, can you? not to mention he's so effin kawaii as well. i've always wondered how he pulls that off, hot and cute at the same time. i guess part of the reason why i never get tired of him is because he's in this constant state of reinventing himself. and whatever style he wears, he always pulls it off so well. aw. beautiful haido. >.<
and boy, his songs just makes my heart melt everytime i listen to them. especially the roentgen stories, i've always loved those. he's such a talented man. i can't be thankful enough for his existence. <3

recently, i've been quite interested in tetsu as well. especially after hearing his songs as tetsu69. he is definitely a god on bass, and he sings pretty well too. it's nice to listen to his voice, it always gives me this hyped up feeling. and his lyrics are pretty sweet too. he can be gorgeous too, especially in pink. it just suits him so damn well. yay for tet-chan! ^^

yeah. so basically this is another entry to show everyone how much of a fangirl i am. :p

japanese shounen

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:51:47 GMT

japanese shounen huh? haha. i guess i love them. :p

i used to have this huge crush on yamapi. i like seeing his dorky smile. he's really cute. i loved his role in nobuta wo produce. that was where i first encountered him. to be honest, i only watched that series because kame was there. but i fell in love with yamapi's role, akira. from there, i started watching every series that yamapi ever starred in...well, not every series. that would be too pretentious. but i did watch a handful. he's really good. and i love all of his roles. i particularly love the way he cries. it's just too cute. as if watching his series weren't enough, i started watching music videos of the boy band that he was a part of which is NEWS. then i started watching his solo performances. but i guess the ultimate stage was when i started collecting his pictures.

THEN...

i was introduced to hyde...again. i do know him from l'arc en ciel, but i'm not that much of a fan before. i only knew them then because they sang a couple of anime soundtracks most popular of which is fourth avenue cafe...for me at least. that's about all i knew about them then. when i saw hyde's video of his single season's call. i fell in love. it was my highschool friend who introduced him to me. she was a huge fan from what i can see. my crush on yamapi was nowhere near my obsession with hyde. i watched every single talk show he was in. i watched almost all of his live performances including laruku's as well. i watched almost all of his videos including laruku's as well. i read every article about hyde and laruku, including their history and random trivia and information. i collected every pictures of hyde that i could find. i downloaded every song of hyde and laruku that i could get. i watched both of hyde's movies, which were amazing by the way. i visited every fansite that i discover. it was an obsession, no other way to express it. i'm really happy when i talk about hyde and l'arc en ciel. and i'm really annoyed if someone insults him. i know i shouldn't be too affected but i think it would be better if other people would just act neutral if they don't like him. i'm happy when i learn something new about hyde and i'm always ecstatic to share it to everyone who would bother to listen. see? it's not just some simple crush. i'm actually pretty serious about it. hahaha. it's pretty scary sometimes. :p

fear

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 04:37:26 GMT

i need to know what i'm scared of.

there's always this something that holds me back. something that prevents me from doing the things that i want to do. and i'm pretty sure that unless i find out what that is, i'll never be able to cross the lines that i drew myself.

there are a lot of possibilities, so it's pretty hard to find out what it really is...or maybe all these possibilities are holding me back. first of them is CHANGE. i think it's a pretty big word, especially for cowards like me. why? because you can only change something if you're willing to risk the things that you're used to. that's the second possibility, RISK. it's a word that i've been scared of since time immemorial. i've always thought that i'd rather not do anything and keep things the way they are instead of risking failure. risk always brings two possible outcomes, it's either for the better or for the worse. and i've always hated FAILURE, which is the third possibility. i think it's pretty normal to fear failure. true enough that it brings unexpected lessons, but consistent failure also takes its toll. and though i hate to admit it, i consistently fail. this of course leads me to REGRET taking action in the first place. it's a vicious cycle isn't it? it always starts with trying to change and always ends up with regret. or maybe i'm just too much of a pessimist.

so how am i supposed to cross that line now? it seems like i'm scared of a lot of things.

love

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:41:06 GMT

recently i've been addicted to anything related to japan. dramas, music, anime, fashion...and most of all, shounen. haha. i've been an anime fan since my elementary days but other than that, i really had no interest in anything else related to japan. so how come the sudden addiction? i think i am fascinated with their diversity and freedom. they can literally and figuratively express themselves. they always look so happy. i think their culture is a perfect picture of peace. or maybe i'm just looking too much into it? i don't know.

i noticed that japan's fashion is as diverse as their lifestyle. it's too glamorous from my point of view but they always pull it off. even guys can wear dresses and pull it off perfectly well. and the artists' performances are always extravagant. sometimes it's too much, but it's always fun to watch.

i don't think this is just a phase. i'm definitely in love with japan.

for the sake of posting something

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 07:51:29 GMT

hey. eleven weeks since i last posted an entry here. that's a pretty long time. as usual, a lot has happened. we're back in pasay again. my parents love moving from one place to another. hay. i miss the bus ride and the sunset at the coastal area. all i can see here in pasay are pollution and people. more like zombies actually. it's pretty dull. but it has its benefits as well. my family's here, and i grew up here. whatever happens to this place, this is still my home. :)

what else? hm. the holiday seasons passed by without much happenings. christmas is for children huh? well that sucks. i guess i have to find another holiday that's for older people like me. wah! i can't believe i'll be an adult soon. it's a scary thought. :(

i missed a lot of people. i missed a lot of things actually. i never seem to be contented with the things that i have. what a shame. or maybe life just used to be better than this. i feel like i've lost a lot of things. i hope i haven't lost them. i hope they're still there. hay. i'm not making sense.

so maybe i'm crazy

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 12:25:30 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

roman candles

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 11:45:19 GMT

i had a conversation with kat earlier. it's about making friends. she made this comment: "why can't we make friends now like we did when we were in kindergarten?" and i agreed with her. why can't everything be as simple as it was back then. you just sit next to a person, say hi, introduce yourself and then you're friends. no inhibitions, no pretensions. you don't think about anything else except for the fact that you want to be his/her friend and hopefully, he/she thinks the same.
sadly, everything is much more complex now. people always wear masks to front everything that's supposedly good about them. they pretend to be someone else just so other people will like them and they like other people because they fit in to their standards. it's like "birds of the same feather flock together" makes a lot of sense nowadays. whatever happened to diversity?
i feel really thankful for my high school barkada. they're like family to me. they're my security blanket. it feels really great when you have people who accept you and love you for who you are. i don't exactly expect them to understand everything about me, but their acceptance is more than enough...and the fact that they're not judging me in any way. we've been through a lot and i'm proud to say that our bond still keeps on getting stronger. i think this is what friendship should be about. i mean, we love each other's company but it's not just because we share something in common. i think that's just a plus factor. i think it's deeper than that. we wouldn't last this long otherwise.

hay. anyway. here's another topic. there's this guy that i really want to befriend. but he's really avoiding human contact...at least that's what i think. i even had a crush on him for a time. i just have this notion that he's a great person. i read his blog every time i'm bored and i never got tired of it. o-kay. stalker alert. haha. that's just mild stalking you know. i've done more that that.
hay. back to the guy. i told myself a long time ago that i give up on him. but it keeps on coming back... the nagging feeling that i want to meet him. i want to know him. and i want to be his friend. i'm going to break his barrier if i have to. i'm desperate. i rarely meet people like him and i don't want to pass the chance. what do i do?
i think part of the reason why i really wanted to take up psychology is because i love meeting strange people. strange in a good way though. i just hate normal people. okay, maybe hate is a strong word. hmm. let's just say i'm scared of normal people. i like meeting people like him because most of the time they are the type of people that makes life more interesting.

break

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 04:26:02 GMT

i had a great week last week. haha. although at the expense of some of my classes. i went to moa with merks last wednesday because her mom asked her to buy chocolates. haha. anyway. we watched resident evil 3 afterwards! yeeey! at long last! i wonder why it took so long to make the third installment of the movie. but then again, it's worth the wait. i wanna watch it again! i <3 mila jovovich! yii! haha.

then on saturday, we celebrated marge's birthday! yey! belated happy birthday marge! we ate at red ribbon, bannoffee pie and palabok. <3 but marge has to go home early so she wasn't able to come with us to prov. hah. i love videoke sessions! too bad it was just me, merks, and chuba but it was still fun. and it didn't make any difference that prov has glass cubicles where everyone can practically see you sing your lungs out. we just didn't care. we sang boy band songs, girl band songs, pop, ballad, old school rock...you name it. it feels sooo good. haha.

yet, inspite all these. the happiness doesn't stay for long.

i guess i'm getting way too relaxed. i'm slacking off in my academics. in all honesty, i don't know what is wrong with me. i just don't feel like studying anymore. school doesn't hold much sense for me anymore. boo. this is all wrong. i'm losing touch of reality. :( someone help me.

apples

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:47:45 GMT

wow. i just realized that death note has acquired quite a number of fans. i didn't expect it. i thought it was way out of people's interest. oh well. who am i to talk. i kind of noticed though that people like death note because they are impressed with L and Light's superior intelligence and conceptualization skills. so i was wondering if they ever paid attention to Light's distorted view on how to pass judgment. L said that it was immature psychology playing with divine intervention. what about you people? what do you think about it? i think it's quite logical. i sort of understand Light's point of view. i mean we all wanted to become gods in our way, don't we? and i'd be damned if i say that i wouldn't be consumed with the death note's power if i have one. he went out of the way to achieve his dream out of sheer boredom and at the expense of his sanity and soul. i used to laugh at him and say that he's just another psycho, but then again, aren't we all? evil is a point of view. heh.

but i still love L more. 'weird' is an understatement to describe him. his personality is opposed to Light who is the 'genius pretty boy', as he is the 'genius freak'. but hey, it will take you more that a lifetime to meet someone like him. just like Light. i think at the end of the day, he's just a representation of a true and heartless murderer. the death note has consumed his soul to the point that he no longer knows what he wants. he is extremely paranoid to say the least.