any place where i can see the sunset is a beautiful view for me. i have that in common with the little prince. however, there's this special place where i truly enjoy watching the sun set which is along the coastal area here in the philippines (the expressway going to las pinas/cavite.) it's just breath taking seeing the blood red sky with streaks of dark blue and a bit of orange-y yellow. and what's even more special is to see these same colors reflected in the still waters. brutal beauty. sadly, i have no pictures since it's an expressway and i just can't get off the bus to stop there.

also, high places give me the most beautiful views especially at night. i love city lights and i love stargazing and high places offer me both views at its best. there's a special place for this too...at least for me. it's somewhere in pasay, the roofdeck of antel towers. i don't know if this place is special because of the view or because of the memories it holds but it's beautiful all the same. i have a picture but the quality is crappy, i'd rather not post it.

<3

alone? oh. it won't take very long. i'd probably be gone in two days time. i can't cook anything except instant noodles. and i don't know shit about what fruits and herbs are edible and which ones are poisonous. demn. maybe i should consider taking up survival 101? i doubt i'd end up in the wild anyway...but then again, i have no sense of direction so maybe i will end up in some inhabited island someday. O____O i fear that i have no survival instincts. i'd probably just while away the time and stare at the sky. XD

hmm there are times when i try to plan ahead, like when it's a major event that requires me to contact lots of people. but then again, things never go out as planned no matter how much i try. besides, i do prefer spontaneity. i'd rather go with the flow than follow some schedule. i want my life to be full of surprises and unexpected encounters. also, i think plans tend to drain away the excitement, yes? :p

i remembered during one of our classes in philosophy, our prof told a story about this guy who was so depressed after his girlfriend broke up with him.  he was so depressed that he actually thought of committing suicide. typical reaction for an emo, yes? i think the entire class including me, said the same thing about the guy. how he's so emo and over-reacting and all. but then our prof said something so striking that day. she told us, "who are you to say such things? who are you to judge this guy? have you ever felt a love so powerful that you can risk your life like that?"...something along those lines anyway. well thinking about it now, i'm beginning to wonder, maybe there is more to this emo guy than i originally gave him credit for. as humans, we are all so averse to the idea of death. we avoid it, we avoid thinking about it. we strive so hard to survive and we work so hard to prolong our petty little lives. but this guy that's probably castrated by society for being such an emo has managed to overcome that fear. maybe he deserves my respect after all.

i remember this line from a story once "i don't know if life is greater than death, but love is more than either." it's kind of hard to define love or to put it's context in some theory. it's more than just a word. it's an emotion so powerful it can move worlds, it can cross borders and it can make the sun shine even in the coldest part of your soul. love is what makes life so bearable. demn. enough of the cheesy stuff. hee.

now i wonder what being emo is really all about. is it really over-rated? or under-rated? oh, and this is coming from someone like me who used to detest emos so much.

sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stopped telling them. [brock clarke]

it's so much easier to just tell everyone that you're fine and flash them all a fake smile instead of admitting that you're actually rotting inside. because deep inside you're scared that no one cares anyway. it's been a long time since someone asked me "how are you?" and truly meant it. i guess everyone is just too preoccupied with their own lives to take the time to listen to another soul right now. this makes me wonder, what does it really mean to be independent then? does it mean that i have to shut off everyone else from my world and care only for myself? does it mean that i just put on a facade and take everything in stride while my soul dies slowly inside? i think one of my biggest fear is being alone. i've always had this need to surround myself with people and pretend that they all care. it's kind of comforting in a cold, twisted way; a false sense of security.
i've no idea what is wrong with me, but lately it seems like my manic depression is getting worse. i can't last a full 24 hours with just a single emotion. it's like if i'm really happy right now, chances are i'd be really sad just a couple of hours later. :(

hmm. i haven't got much to say right so i'll just greet everyone a happy new year! i wish you all the love and happiness in life. may you start the year full of hope and dreams and lots of optimism! ^______^

WE LOVE YOU - from miyavi and me :p

If, for example, you wish to be held by someone some night,
You should gently hug the person next to you first.
And then, if by chance you were to fall in love with someone,
If you're precious to that person you'd be loved by them too, right?
At anytime we're connected somewhere.
So
We love you,
The world loves you.
No matter how hard, just by feeling in my heart,
That you are here, I can pull through it.
We love you...
Look, the whole world, even at this very moment,
Somebody loves someone.
Then
We love you,
The world loves you.
So it's ok, just the way you are, the real you.
Everyday we love you. Anytime we love you.

i can't help being a gorgeous fiend, it's just the card i draw. [Lestat de Lioncourt]

woah! it's been a pretty long time since i've last read any of the vampire chronicles. it's been a long time since i've last read a book at all...fictional book, mind you. i don't have the time. sheesh. what a shame. anyway. the point of this post is that i seem to find some similarities between Hyde and Lestat...well, except for the fact that i both love them tremendously. i think it has something to do with vanity. oh no. i don't think Hyde is as vain as Lestat (i think no one's capable of being as vain as him), it's just that he seems to exude an aura that says "hell yeah! i'm gorgeous and i know it! i'm hot and i know it! i'm damn sexy and i know it!" it's not really that he shouts it out loud, but every action speaks for itself. Hyde pretty much knows how much people adore him, and he's similar to Lestat in that aspect. but i think that the more important similarity is that both of them don't age at all! i mean, yeah, Lestat is a vampire and all so it's pretty understandable...but Hyde? he's just one hell of an extremely unique individual! i mean, the man doesn't look a day older than he was ten years ago! time has no effect on him at all! O.o

hay. Lestat loves music too! same as Hyde, ne? Lestat even managed to come out in public as the lead vocalist of a rock band...although that stunt only lasted for a short time. hey! what if Hyde is the japanese version of Lestat?! i mean he's in a rock band too right? and he doesn't age! soooo...Hyde must be a real vampire! and then...he decided to come out in the open by creating VAMPS! ha! i knew it! he was never mortal to begin with! no wonder both characters of Kei and Adam fitted him so perfectly! he's a friggin immortal!

gahd. i don't even know why i'm blabbing about these things. i just suddenly missed Lestat. and then i was able to come up with these random conclusions! XD oh well. i'm gonna end this entry now. it's too messed up already.

yeh yeh. i snagged this from vindicated21 ...again. haha. and i think it's fun so i'm going to give it a try. besides...it's been a while since i've answered stuff like this. :p

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people. (Anyone can do this!:D)



woot! all done! i sort of enjoyed this. it's been a while. i used to answer stuff like this all the time! XD

i've been wanting to post here for a long time, but i never had the inspiration nor the time to do so. pft. yeah right. forget the latter, i have all the time in the world. i just don't know what to write. i feel like i'm regressing again to being a very useless, good-for-nothing piece of trash. ooops! was that too harsh? but that's what i'm feeling right now. seriously. i feel like i'm just a walking waste of space. it's not self-pity...i'm pretty sure of it. and it's not depression either, because i can assure you that i'm far from being sad right now. i just feel like i've lost my purpose...not that i have one to begin with. but, at least i used to have a vision...a dream. with the way things are going, i think i'm far from living up to my dream. i'm doubting i'll even be able to push through with it. so to all you guys who share that dream with me, i'm so very sorry. honto ni gomen nasai. i think i might not be able to go, let alone live in japan after all. oh gods. this very thought is making me cry. but it's not like i have a friggin choice. gahd. everything's so fucking messed up right now. it's not just about me anymore. i don't think i'm up for it. i don't think i can just leave everything behind. i hate my life here, true. but i love it to bits as well. and that's not all. hard as it may be to accept, i'm friggin struggling to survive here already...would i actually dare to try and survive there as well? dreams are not meant to happen. they all say that. because if it happens, then it's not a dream at all. i remember saying that i so badly wanted to leave everything behind and just start a new life, but i just figured out how selfish it was of me to think like that. everyone here is struggling just to make it through. everyone here is fighting their own demons. and it's just so horribly callous and selfish of me to think of running away and leaving them all behind.

i think i've said too much. pardon me if this entry is too messy and too random. i just have to vent out.

once again. sorry to all of you. i'm pretty sure you know who you are. i just hope you understand. i'll keep on dreaming...but i'm afraid i have to stay. :(